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porcelain wedding favors

If you can’t decide whether or not to take your husband’s name, Salon.com advice columnist Cary Tennis has something to say that should help.  Click here: Should I take my husband’s name?

If you have already decided whether or not to take your husband’s name, you should read this anyway.  Click here: Should I take my husband’s name?

If you are breathing:  Should I take my husband’s name?

Brilliant.

Period.

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Fact: MONEY (repeat: MONEY) is the number one cause of marital problems. 

Question: What role does money play in your life?

Question:  What role will money play in your marriage?

Question:  And what are you saying about money in your vows?  (Yes, IN your vows!)

If you’ve been reading my blog for awhile, you may have noticed that I do my best to be invitational in my proposals.  As in, "here’s something to consider…"  Well, today’s post is actually meant to say "WAKE UP.  PAY ATTENTION.  THINK ABOUT THIS." 

Wise couples will. 

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         Who’s your heroine?

Consider a favorite heroine or hero.  For example author Anchee Min’s bestseller, Empress Orchid and her follow up, The Last Empress, tells the story of a poor girl from countryside of China who was chosen to be an Imperial concubine and eventually became an Empress.  Public history has demonized this last empress, and Min endeavors to re-set history through scrupulous research and a magical retelling of the story of the woman who became the most powerful ruler of China and was perhaps the first feminist.  The complexity of the story and the detail of Min’s writing reveals a woman of incredible determination, dedication, and fascination.  And, a study of author Min herself actually reveals the same.  When reading Min’s books, I found myself unable to put them down and full of inspiration in so many ways.  All this to say, both the Empress and Min are current heroines of mine.  By identifying your personal heroine(s) or hero(s), you can bring to light qualities and values that you currently hold high and feel inspired to instill in your own life.  This information can then be transported into your vows.

Example:  I’ve identified "determination, dedication, and fascination" as values in these heroines that I admire.  So, in writing my vows,  I’d think about how I can use these very words and might come up with something like this: "In our life together, I will bring great determination to many things: to bettering myself as an individual; to carrying out our shared goals; and to facing challenges that arise.  I want to make apparent my dedication to this promise through considered daily action that reflects strength of character. This is a priority to me, because there is nothing more important than my love for you and always proving myself worthy of your love."

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Vow-writing inquiry of the day:

In the context of your relationship, what is your partner an "expert" in?

Exercise:

Ask your fiance to tell you something of value that he feels he’s learned from you.  Then ask, how it is that you demonstrate this value in your life together, and what it is that motivated or inspired him to learned it from you.

Then switch roles. 

The results of this inquiry will offer you several things:

1.  You will feel appreciated and learn more about your significance in your partner’s life.

2.  You will garner an understanding of how you are, and can continue to be, a teacher in your partner’s life.

3.  You will garner an understanding of what motivates or inspires your partner to want to learn from you.

4.  You will gain insight into how you learn from your partner.

5.  Knowing that you have great substance to offer your partnership can inspire you to continue to offer up the best of yourself and serve your marriage well.

Write down what you said and what you heard.  All of the information that arises from this exercise provides great material for writing personal vows or a love letter to your partner.  In addition to making "promises" in your ceremony, you can also include words about your "appreciation" for each other.

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This is the third in a series on how to write an Inviting Invitation.  Parts I (Lead With Your Location) and II (State Your Purpose Please) have been posted on the previous two days in the category "Inviting Invitations."

Part III:  WHY DO YOUR GUESTS MATTER?

A third element to consider is "Why are you inviting guests?"  What is it about having others at your marriage ceremony that is important to you?

A poetically paraphrased version of your answers to these questions will enhance your invitation by making your guests feel special because you’ve actually identified why their presence matters so much to you.  It doesn’t have to be complicated, as you will see below.  A few words can go a long way toward making your message distinct. 

My "sample couple" told me that they absolutely "cherish" the friends and family who were being invited, and that having them present for their exchange of vows is actually what would make their wedding day the most "joyful" for them.

The result follows (see words in bold):

There’s a place on Earth

1,000 feet above the neighboring sea

where we will gather in the garden of a beloved friend,

next to a grove of Olive trees for good luck,

and among those whom we most cherish.

There,

we will make sacred vows of commitment

in a ceremony intended to

strengthen our experience of life as partners

and our belief in the tradition of family.

Joy-filled we’d be if you will join us.

Saturday, May 10, 2005 at Noon

at the home of Marc Rhodell

101 Cliff View Road

Malibu, California

porcelain wedding favors

This is the second post in a series of of how, specifically, to cultivate content for writing a creative invitation. 

Yesterday’s post:  Lead With Your Location

is followed here by: State Your Purpose Please

Another means for coming up with unique wording for your wedding invite is to include the PURPOSE of your marriage ceremony.  This might seem obvious, but I know from experience that if we put 10 couples in a room and ask them each "Why are you getting married," we will hear 10 different answers. Consider this question for yourself.  And here are are some other questions to help you get to you personal perspective. 

1.  What is it about getting marriage that appeals to you?

2.  What will it do for your partnership?

3.  What guiding principle or belief do you hold that is informing your choice to become married?

The couple who’s invitation I use below stated that they wanted to become married to "strengthen our experience of life as partners and our belief in the tradition of family."

We added this phrase to the beautiful description of their location to create their personalized invitation:

There’s a place on Earth

1,000 feet above the neighboring sea

where we will gather in the garden of a beloved friend,

next to a grove of Olive trees for good luck,

and among those whom we most cherish.

There,

we will make sacred vows of commitment

in a ceremony intended to

strengthen our experience of life as partners

and our belief in the tradition of family.

Joy-filled we’d be if you will join us.

Saturday, May 10, 2005 at Noon

at the home of Marc Rhodell

101 Cliff View Road

Malibu, California

porcelain wedding favors

I frequently get inquiries like this one:

"Can you write something about wedding invitation wording?  Many people seem to leave it to the last minute and lose the chance to do something creative…"

Here’s some direction, followed by a previously-posted example. (And p.s., it can be done at the last minute and STILL be creative.)

Lead with your LOCATION.

Using the location as the lead into your invitation will establish set the setting for your wedding even before the guests arrive.  Most locations are chosen because they have some magical feeling for the marrying couple. Think about what it is that makes your location of choice magical, meaningful, significant to you.  Make a list of those characteristics. 

Here are some questions that may help you:

1.  What does your location look like? 

2. How does it make you feel when you imagine yourself standing in the very spot you will stand to take your vows?  (Safe? Held in the arms of God? Full of life?  Joyful because there’s nothing more that I love than being in a garden full of flowers?  Excited because I’ll be standing on the edge of a cliff overlooking the expanse of the blue sea below? etc.)

3.  How did you know that "this" was the place to get married?

4.  Have you been here for any other special milestone in your life? (It’s the house where I grew up.  We got engaged here.  My mother and her mother both were married here…)

Now, convey these points in the writing of your invitation.  It will make the invitation so much more alluring and unique.  Traditional wording is fine for very classic, traditional weddings.  But if you’ve dedicated large quantities of time (and money) to the choice of your location and other elements that will set the stage for the particular kind of magic you want to experience on your wedding day, then use your invitation as a means of saying "welcome" in a way that invites your guests to step onto your magic carpet for a ride unlike any they’ve ever experienced before.

Sample Invitation using "location" as the lead…

There’s a place on Earth

1,000 feet above the neighboring sea

where we will gather in the garden of a beloved friend,

next to a grove of Olive trees for good luck,

and among those whom we most cherish.

There,

we will make sacred vows of commitment

in a ceremony intended to

strengthen our experience of life as partners

and our belief in the tradition of family.

Joy-filled we’d be if you will join us.

Saturday, May 10, 2005 at Noon

at the home of Marc Rhodell

101 Cliff View Road

Malibu, California

porcelain wedding favors

I’ve received several emails recently about a previous post "Circle Seating With A Twist."  Here are further instructions you may find useful… Circle seating means "seating in the round." Chairs are set up in a circle.

A platform may be placed in the middle of the circle upon which you and your partner can stand with your officiant. Anyone who comes up to speak, steps up onto the platform. By setting chairs in a circle, every guest gets "the best seat" in the house. You can double layer the circle if space is limited or the size of the circle loses its intimacy. With a guest list of 100, for example, I recommend making the inner circle 40 chairs and a second row, or outer circle, of 60.  The platform can also hold a chuppah or an arch to provide a precise point of focus for your guests and to accentuate the "sacred space" for your marriage ceremony.

If you want an aisle, you can make one by not quite "closing" the circle — in other words, remove three chairs from the circle to create a space to walk in and out of.  Indigenous cultures, however, would say that it is important to close the circle prior to beginning the speaking portion of the ceremony so that the energy of the experience doesn’t leak out.  Think of the ceremony area as a container to "hold" you during the ceremony.  Closing the circle after your walk down the aisle would be like putting the lid on the container.  Another way to think of it is that you create for yourself the feeling of being cradled with love when you state your vows.   Closing the circle may be done as simply as having one of your attendants tie a ribbon from a seat on one side of the aisle to the nearest seat on the other side.  Then have an attendant untie the ribbon before you walk back down the aisle at the end of the ceremony.

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If you don’t yet know that Charitable Giving is now as customary (and easy!) as registering for china — and that you can be giving without sacrificing your bridely entitlement to receiving — this site will help you get with the program:

I Do Foundation will tell you where to register so you can give and receive at the same time.

Also check out Just Give which "connects people with causes they care about" in about half a second.

Being a PC bride has never been so simple.  No excuses now to Do The Right Thing.